Peter

does anybody read this?

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again

I can not get ahead in life,
I only break even.

I just looked at my 2007 to do list and it pretty much is completed, though no technically,

set up online portfolio http://www.flickr.com/photos/excaliburz/, http://excaliburz.deviantart.com/
go to China in 6 months... well I was accepted to Fudan University so all that is left is to get there.

wow...HAHA a successful New Years Resolution!

As no one really checks my page, i really don't care about it. But I decided to update my deviantART page once a week because it makes me right out a section on my artwork and i want to keep in some sort of practice. Also http://www.flickr.com/photos/excaliburz/ that is pretty much my best pictures.

Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night.
- Philip K. Dick

I don't get why I am consistently treated so shitty and left out of people's thoughts. When someone needs help or something done they call me because I'm reliable but when they don't Need something I do not even come up in pass though that is even given to a stray dog. I can not understand how I could have found so many two faced people. Is it because the world is populated by them, am I so gullible that I really just don't get that I'm being used, or am I a bad person at heart that is still really use full to get things done. The fuck, the last one is Lex Luther. Who is Superman in my life then?
I took a look at my relationships and I don't have friends I have clients. And I have a lot of clients and that is the part that messes with my head. So many people come looking for me to do essentially jobs and are happy that I am on top of things. Going with the Lex Luther one (The Lex on Smallsville, not the movie Lex) he had people coming to him for help... but they were bad or desperate people and the good people avoided him after finding out he was bad. The people I'm around are not bad people by any reasonable stretch of the word.
So the last more reasonable thought is that a number of bad people are fucking up my mind and my thinking about everyone. I just can't figure it out anymore.




I am long past the conclusion that I'm supposed to be medicated.

I started posting pics at my deviantART page

So I now own a green 96 Izuzu Trooper. I also have a new camera and pictures will be posted online as soon as I get my new desktop, which should be July 4.

Also pictures from my trip to China will start appearing on my deviantArt account, with some choice selections here.

So the other evening I went to A Salute to Filipino American Men and Women in the US Military brought to us by the Smithsonian Institution. The forum was one of the best I have ever been to and featured a small range of speakers and presentations. The forum was inspirational because it brought forth only a couple of ideas and a lot of feeling. What was even better was that afterward I spent a lot of time discussing those ideas and issue facing the Filipino community with one of those presenters. Paul Tanedo is a professional photographer who's work is incredible, powerful and insightful "in a subtle way" as he said often. His elder daughter, Chesska, is a good friend and it was her birthday that day, which was half the reason I was there. I had shown that there was a light on in my brain by asking the question of the panel about the Desegregation and Integration of Filipino military units. I have never been complimented so much for putting forward a question.

This lead to small talk about issues during dinner and that lead to a three way discussion including Kris Nario, a player in the Student Organizations in VA and the East Coast. It was a discussion that movies try to reproduce and people never forget. Three guys, three beers, just sitting on a bare wood floor having a serious discussion that just kept getting better. We pick it up again in the morning for a little bit too. And again at lunch. It was such a short period of time but it has put a knot around my heart making me want to spill out a little more blood for those issues. It has further meaning because Mr. Tanedo asked me to write a letter with the things that I had said to the Filipino Community and the Smithsonian. Making that night more then shooting the shit but to actually contribute to society in a way.

So my Volvo is not long for this world. It is kind of sad to lose this 20 year old clunker. It was one of those things that just made me stand out. I surprised the hell out of people when I showed up in it in NOVA the day after Thanksgiving to play in Turkeybowl. I double surprised my brother and the guy that I got the car from by the simple fact that the car was still running years later. It was a good car, that largest cargo capacity for a wagon and no odd shapes that made it hard to get things in. You proved this as the prop car for two great culture shows but will not see the next. Your old steel cage protected many a freshman years younger then you and those who are your peers and took the dents for assholes who can't pull out of a parking lot. It was Ralph, just like the character from the Simpsons, not quite right, and a lot of quirks that made it a real pain at times but dependable for the long haul. You became one of those things that was made me me.

Ay, you stupid piece of shit, you gave me freedom and will eventually rest in pieces but let me get some use out of you after your engine stops turning over.

...you are palmed fisted by your senior brother in the nose and answer the question "are you okay?" with "no blood".

...after being punched in the nose you make your senior brother laugh about you misfortune to show there is no hard feeling and then when he closes your eyes you kick him in the shin. You are moral vindicated because he should not have closed his eyes.

...you and your senior brother are fighting to get their one handed animal related choke in.

...while trying to choke each other end up on the floor without stopping trying to choke each other.

...while trying to choke each other on the floor, you agree to your senior brother telling you to tap out because you know you could be there for hours and he is your senior brother and you should let him win.

...all of the above happens in less then five minutes.

so I graduated

so i graduate today

so i graduate tomorrow.


...more to come

So I have a keyboard for my PDA again. I am so happy, was so mad yesterday when it did not work. I thought I had wasted $30 dollars on something I would not be able to get rid of. But it worked today and I did not have to embarrass myself calling up tech support since all I needed to do was uncheck one box. The directions left out that part. Nevertheless, it works and now I am getting used to this keyboard, which is too small.

My job position at the school was terminated like three weeks ago. The position, I was like laid off...at 23...crazy shit.
The loss of the job and my general situation forced me to push back going to China for six months. Then two weeks went by. I have new short term job doing data entry for the VA Dept of Vital Records. Revaluation of my situation has lead to me pushing back China an additional six months. This has lead to my general depression.
So i bought stuff...
A another battery for my PDA (I know own three)
A bluetooth adapter for my laptop (I can now sync my PDA without the 3 ft cable)
Two magazines with articles on China, one is a National Security mag, the other is called Dissent...with I think should be the MeZine word for May)
Book of Quotes of Mark Twian...who I believe is a hopeful cynic like me
Audio CDs for Chinese Language ($20 for six cds...which looks like 3 1/2 of lessons)
Battery Program for my PDA (has some neat stuff and has extended the lives of the batteries)
entrance to a UVA party...which sucked...Really good Filipino culture show though, fantastic dancing
Wrist Band for Full Equity http://www.fullequitynow.com/
2 Cds of Native American music

Since I cannot think anymore I will stop

this blog wa brought to you by http://worldofdreaming.com/sketchandreload/ because he asked

Uncle Barney died last monday. That is the second family member this year, both died on monday.

I have been left alone to open the office this week. Two hours unsupervised every morning. Difference- things get done faster.

I really tired because of work and getting up at 6:30-7 am. But Tiffany who I deliver mail to, is really hot and laughs a lot.

I will be sending my applicationto Fudan soon.

This is from and article in the Washington Post...

"Our agreement with India is unique because India is unique. India is a democracy, where citizens of many ethnicities and faiths cooperate in peace and freedom."

No it is not unique because your just described America! If your going to write in nationally cindicated medium, use the appropriate word. Words have meanings, try using them.

Is really boring today. So I decided to blog like so many other people do during work (at least I think they do).

So more about the post from yesterday. Mr. Shata is a Iman in New York who for two days in a row had articles about him, both very interesting and insightful(let me know if you want them). I have been on a thing for the last couple of weeks in which the basic gist is that the moderates need to say what they have to say louder and be the leaders of the discussion instead of the moderating voice of the crazy people. Mr Shata's statement and the articles about him and the community in which he lives in in New York shows that just like everyone else Muslim communities are as diverse in thoughts and personalities as every other community.
These people are to use a different and what I think is a different label then "moderate"- normal people. Yes there religion and culture are different then mine (I say mine because I do not want to make a assumption about those who might be reading this) but the differences are not much different then the difference between me and my neighbors(well my block is really white european, but you get what I mean right? If not please say so).
When the none-normal people say something absolutelyinsane, we say that. And really we can agree 90% of the time that a person is not normal, I'm not talking hypothetical/point of view/different circumstances philosophizing, I'm talking one on one, your view and mine talking honestly about a specific person/group. (Pat Robertson- needs to be institutionalized, Jerry Falwell- bigot, KKK- racists, Saddam- mass murderer. things that most people can all can agree on).
I am not advocating that these people not be allowed to speak because that is America and their right to speak means I have the right to speak and say that they are _________ explicativeand prove that they are wrong.
When these paragons are hate and suffering need to be denouncedin a public statement and then ignored like your uncle/aunt who has the same problem. While really they should just be ignored in the first place as to not give them more exposure, the ignore them and they will go away does not work, the person might go away (rarely) but the message always appears again, even if it is a new message in a new voice. It is the duty of society to take a stand and say no, this is not our point of view, no we do not believe this, even if it is the minority opinion, stand up and stay it. We need a return to civil discourse that we claimed to have had in the days of the Founding Brothers ("claim" because VP Burr shot and killed Hamilton, so lets not go back to the codes of gentlemanly conduct). Yes we romantic the past but that does not mean the ideals that are not worth trying to live up to.